Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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