We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
