guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
