I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
