Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
