Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
