Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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