theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
