i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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