Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
