you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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