i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
