Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
