thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
