I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
