there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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