batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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