I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
