Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
