Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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