I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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