yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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