I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
