That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
