I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
