this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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