New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
