he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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