census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
