ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
