He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
