I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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