dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
