why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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