Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
