I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
