She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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