I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
