There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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