I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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