I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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