shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
