My hand turned me down
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
