Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
