it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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