went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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