Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
