I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
