I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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