You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
